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Joe Biden needs a nap

Joe Biden is leading President Trump in all the same polls Hillary Clinton was leading him in back in 2016.

But Hillary Clinton made a mistake — she went out and actually campaigned. Even with her slobbering media coverage, it was a complete disaster. She fell down, she had coughing fits, she sneeringly referred to Trump supporters as “deplorables.”

Joe Biden — or should I say, Joe Biden’s keepers — are trying not to repeat Hillary’s disastrous mistakes.

That’s why Dementia Joe remains locked up in his basement. Occasionally the doddering 77-year-old is led out to read a statement off a Teleprompter. But no follow-up questions are permitted, even from the Democrat stenographers with press passes.

And of course there will be no rallies — the virus, you know.

Only one problem — Joe Biden can no longer even completely comprehend, let alone read, the pablum his hacks type for him to recite back for TV. As for the scripted live-from-the-basement interviews — forget about it!

Earlier this week, he went one-on-one with a local TV news anchor from Phoenix in the battleground state of Arizona. The anchor told him that Arizona was “very much in play in 2020.”

To which Biden responded: “Oh, you’re — it’s an important city. You guys are going through hell right now aren’t you.”

An important city, Arizona is, even more important than “Keene Vermont,” which Biden lauded last winter. More and more, Biden sounds like the late mayor of Boston, Mumbles Menino, who once talked about “the state of Philadelphia,” not to mention the “providences” of Canada.

From Mumbles Menino to Bumbles Biden.

For instance, Biden this week called for a new beginning “to start building back better the kind of maconomy we need for the future.”

Let Trump worry about the economy. Biden will manage the maconomy.

Mumbles would often omit the verb from his sentence, as in “Who Don Gillis?” Now this from the Democrat nominee:

“The vast majority of police officer ethical brave and decent.”

But Biden has a problem with police using military equipment — “they become the enemy. They’re supposed to be ‘tecting these people. So my generic point is –”

At this point, there was an interruption, or perhaps intervention is a better word, by his handlers. I guess they were just trying to ‘tect him.

Maybe Biden’s oddest statement of the week came as he read a prepared statement about, what else, the virus, and the need “to get our people to work and our kids to school safely, to get our kids to market safely.”

To market? You mean, like livestock?

“Our future is made in America, with American paying good paying union jobs here at home making it in America.”

Please elaborate, Mr. Vice President: “Good paying union jobs that have put Americas – Americans to work.”

Few people have ever confused the two men Biden has called “Barack America” and “Donald Hump.” But Biden this week did get them mixed up.

“People have watched my me on television and they’ve watched and the more of that Barack the the more that – excuse me, Donald Trump is out….”

Sometimes, in the middle of a sentence Biden is reading, he just comes out with a totally unintelligible word:

“To meet this moment in history we’re gonna get to (unintelligible) results right away on day one.”

I just wish the guys in the white coats would let Joe out into the warm sunshine in the back yard some morning and ad lib, the way Trump did in the Rose Garden the other day.

But it’ll never happen, because when you let Biden speak extemporaneously, well, he did it a couple of months ago from the basement in front of some gay group:

“I say do you think you know I I can remember I was taking a uh a a a a train. You know I commuted every day for years and years as a U.S. senator and um we were uh um in in a fight about whether or not we were going to allow uh um uh openly gay people.

“It was the it was the don’t-ask-don’t-tell you know portion of the military. And I got on the train one night you know coming home and the guy who ran the it was a late train you know and I usually got the earlier train and I think it was the 8:30 train and there was uh I think it was called the (unintelligible) and the guy who ran the uh um the club car not the club car the dining car there wasn’t anybody there.

“It was late it was it was a Wednesday night and I sat down and I ordered some coffee and I think I don’t know what I got something to eat and he came in and sat down to me and he said you know Joe, he said, you know I’m gay and I said I didn’t know that and he said yeah I’m gay.”

Has anyone ever seen Joe Biden and Grandpa Simpson in the same club car together?